It's Complicated(S1) : WK 2 - FRI

(1 Samuel 16:8)
Then Jesse told his son Abinadab to step forward and walk in front of Samuel. But Samuel said, “This is not the one the Lord has chosen.” 9 Next Jesse summoned Shimea, but Samuel said, “Neither is this the one the Lord has chosen.” 10 In the same way all seven of Jesse’s sons were presented to Samuel. But Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.” 11 Then Samuel asked, “Are these all the sons you have?”
“There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied. “But he’s out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.”
“Send for him at once,” Samuel said. “We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.”
12 So Jesse sent for him. He was dark and handsome, with beautiful eyes.
And the Lord said, “This is the one; anoint him.”
13 So as David stood there among his brothers, Samuel took the flask of olive oil he had brought and anointed David with the oil. And the Spirit of the Lordcame powerfully upon David from that day on. Then Samuel returned to Ramah.
“There is still the youngest.”

This phrase was all that Samuel needed. He asked that David be sent for, and that dinner would wait until he arrived. When David finally did arrive we learn two things: 1) He was dark and handsome. And 2) This is the one that God wanted Samuel to anoint.

It seems like this is simple. However, I can recall a story when one son was picked over the many others in the Old Testament. The story of Joseph (Genesis 37), his dreams, and the ensuing situations were not great. Family dynamics change when one child is chosen over the others. This could have been the case when it came to the family dynamics in Jesse’s household.

What do you think the other brothers felt as they saw David being anointed? How would they have reacted? How would you and your siblings have reacted if this happened in your family? Would there be jealousy, anger, frustration, and maybe even fighting?

Family systems are complicated and are deeply entrenched in us from the beginning of our lives. While it is no fault of our own, it is certainly something that we each have to deal with. Perhaps this is something that you are struggling with or something that needs to be addressed with a counselor. It is pretty shocking to me that over the years in my Pastoral Counseling role, the amount of family systems pain that has been caused and the deep work it takes to dig out of these ruts.

We don’t know too much about the ongoing family dynamics of Jesse’s sons in response to David’s choosing, but we can extrapolate that this changed the dynamics and the hierarchy of the family system. I wonder if it is like when one sibling gets famous or wealthy and how the rest of the family reacts? Perhaps this change turns the family upside down, or perhaps it is something that simply has to be navigated and negotiated.

What is your family like? How do you think it would handle a shift in family dynamics like this? Would you all handle it well, or would you struggle with what might seem like things being very unfair?

If your family is like most of them out there, there are things that need to be handled carefully, and the introduction of a therapist is never a bad idea. Seeking professional help with family dynamics is always a good investment, particularly when it comes to changes in the social structure or setting of the family.

1. Do you think David’s brother appreciated being passed over and having to watch as their youngest brother was anointed? 
2. How do you think they handled it? 
3. How can our relationship with God help us when it comes to embedded family systems?